I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize