you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
