We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
