im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
