Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
