i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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