Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
