I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
