i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
