who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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