Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
