all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
