im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
