I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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