I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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