I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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