so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
