One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize