Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize