that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
