Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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