Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
