just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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