I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Boobs speak an international language.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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