I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
