I'm going to jail i love you
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize