You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
