I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I am mentally ready for anal.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize