i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
