i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize