Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
