I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
