I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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