Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
