I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
