I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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