There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize