I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
