Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
