this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
