apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
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