Plan B is the new Plan A
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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