i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
