you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
