yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
