I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
