Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
