Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
