There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
