Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
