Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
