i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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