I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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