At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize