Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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