I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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