Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
