Duck Duck Cougar?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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