the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
