4 words: hood of his car
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
