I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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