also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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