Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
