3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
