I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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