sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
