My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize