If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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